Cigarette Butts - Miami Refuge

It was quiet. Very quiet in fact as they would find the Caitiff in the kitchen, sitting on the floor with her back against the wall and her knees pulled to her chest, hiding her face against them.

On the counter stood a bottle and a glass. On the floor lay a second glass along with a few drops of blood from where the glass had cut her had when she'd tried to stop it from breaking.

Her shoulders were softly shaking. Though she was quiet with her crying.

Cass crouched so that Ed could hop down if he wanted and she let Diego go, too. Pulling a blanket from the couch, she came back and wrapped it around Teddy as she began to pick up the broken glass.

"I always crawl...." came the blond's broken voice. "I don't care about pride... I would crawl if I thought it made a difference... But you don't do this to family... You don't ignore them and hurt them and overlook them as if they were nothing... No one's that ignorant..." which meant he had to be doing it on purpose. She just...she just wished he'd broke her properly. Beaten her,s napped her bones, shouted for her to get out. She could've dealt with that so much better. But accepting that he was just blind? She couldn't... she couldn't understand how anyone could be this blind.

She sobbed quietly, muffling the sound against her knees but didn't move.

"Teddy, he's a vampire... What's more is he's a vampire with a plan. He wants Areron to hang herself," she said quietly. "It's not in Jamie's nature to purposefully hurt someone. And he's a man... Men are... oblivious. They are," Cass reminded her gently.

"He's also Brujah. And it would go a long way to show him some of your spirit, some of your sass. He would never, never be angry with you for saying what you feel. And if you feel this way? And if you think he made you feel this way? Jamie is the person to tell. Because unlike other vampires, he's not going to raise a hand, a rumor or a temper at you for doing so."

She shook her head.

"Families are dysfunctional at best, sweetie. They don't always work. But you have to try."

It wasn't really reaching her... She couldn't imagine doing it someone... She couldn't imagine how someone else could do it either...
Ignorance was a cruelty she hoped never to commit... A cruelty she didn't think Jamie capable of.
And to think, all it would've taken to stop her from feeling like this would've been one kind word from him. He could've told her it was okay, that she hadn't disappointed him, that he cared about her, that he wasn't angry. Anything. And she would've been okay.

But he hadn't even looked at her in the meeting, and it had just shattered something in her. Which was why the broken caitiff sobbed quietly and tried to curl up into a small enough ball so not to be seen. To hide. From everything.

She'd let her cry a little longer. She knew there was something therapeutic about letting everything go. And Cass wouldn't judge, like always.

But, she let some time pass before... Well...

"Theodora... Stand up."

No reaction.

She'd understand if Teddy wanted to kill her later. But she left Teddy there on the floor and headed back down the hallway.

15 minutes later, Jamie appeared to be standing in front of her as she felt warm, strong arms around her from the side.

Under different circumstances, she probably would've leaned into Jamie's arms. But her reaction this time was one of slight panic as her eyes flashed open. The blond instantly tensing before scrambling to be free and subsequently falling backwards and onto her behind on the floor rather clumsily as bloodshot frightened eyes gazed up at what looked like the Brujah. But... no... it couldn't be.
He didn't know where they were. He couldn't have gotten there that fast. He wouldn't have left PSL...

The blond's eyes focused for a moment and then..
"Fuck.." her voice broke. "Cassie!" she both looked and sounded hurt before closing her eyes and shaking her head.
Just... just no... just no...
"What the Hell...?"

"Tell me what you want to tell him, Teddy! Get it out! You can't shut down like this!" It sounded like Jamie and still looked like Jamie, even if Teddy saw right through it.

"I'm watching my friend die because she won't take the hand that's offered to pull herself back up! Let it out, dammit!"

Okay, maybe she was pushing. And she fully expected to get smacked over this one.

It wasn't often the blond screamed at anyone really, but this time she did scream.
"Stop it!" her voice trembled. "You're not him! This changes nothing!" it just made her feel ill. "Stop it please..." she sobbed quietly. "Please..."

The arms went away. Jamie's image melted away to just reveal Cass. She pulled at the chain around her neck until it popped off and she dropped it at Teddy's feet. On the chain were the wedding rings Teddy'd made for her and Alex.

"It's not fair. And I won't go through with anything until you have what you want, what you need. I still say you should talk to Jamie. But you have to want to do that yourself," Cass' lips trembled. She couldn't bear to see Teddy this way and had no clue as to how to help her. She just made things worse.

"I love you, you're my sister and you always will be. But don't let one mega-bitch make you think you're family's forsaken you. Because the only one that loses in that scenario is you and Jamie. I'm sorry... I am sorry."

The Caitiff's bright blue eyes fell to the rings and then slowly rose to gaze up at Cassiel. And the fear was back though... different...
"I-I..." oh dear God... was she breaking her friend's marriage on top of everything? Was she making Cassiel forsake something so close to her heart because of selfish the blond was being?

Her lips trembled with the unspoken questions though they were there, in her eyes. And she couldn't voice them because she couldn't even draw her breath.
Her chest hurt.... hurt enough to make her clutch at her top with fingers that trembled as much as her body now.

She was hurting Cass...
She was hurting her and Alex...
Couldn't she do one thing right one of these nights?

Panic was setting in. Honest to God panic...

"Teddy... Stop... It's not you. It's just not fair. You've done nothing wrong, you haven't." Truth was, Alex hadn't helped the situation.... at all. Maybe it was coming anyway-- at least, that's what her eyes said.

"I want us to be happy. I want us to be happy together. And Alex has been so busy, it's alright. This? This is more important that some ceremony, don't you think? I do. I'm worried about you, not the executive Gangrel. He's fine, we're fine. He'd want me to take care of you. So," she extended her hand to her. "Take my hand and let me help you."

"Please don't do this...." oh, and now she was crying again. As horrible as the tears were, they still feel from her eyes as she gazed up at the Rose. "Please don't forsake something you want because of me... please...? Please, I want you to be happy... I want you to have your loved one... to have your husband... please don't give up on that because of me... I beg you..." because she honestly couldn't live with the guilt.

"Baby, you didn't do that. I did when I betrayed him," she kept her hand out to Teddy. "We all make mistakes. And I've made many, many mistakes. I can't be with him because of things I've done. I can't share his bed, hold him during the day... Because I fucked up. And he deserves better right now. You deserve better. Because you haven't made the mistakes I've made. You are better than that."

She wasn't though. The blond wasn't better than the Rose in any way and never would be. All she could see at the moment though was her friend hurting, all she could see was herself making to worse and she hated herself for it. So when her hand to hers, it wasn't to stand up, but to suddenly pull the Rose down into her embrace.
The Caitiff's arms wrapping around her tightly, closing her fingers in her hair and around her shoulder.

"Any man who can't see how beautiful a person you are don't deserve you..." it was the truth. It was as simple as that. The Rose could say nothing that would have her change her mind. And while she was still breaking, she held her friend as if trying to comfort her, protect her from the world that kept kicking at the ones who weren't strong enough to stand on their own. But Teddy would gladly take any harm that came Cassiel's way and make it her own instead.

She couldn't do anything to protect herself.
She couldn't do anything to protect Medwyn.
But maybe she could do something for Cassiel. Something. Anything.

Of course she hugged Teddy back. Tightly, even. But whether or not Alex deserved her or the other way around wasn't really in the forefront of her mind.

"That maybe. But you deserve better. And you can have it if you just see how much you're worth."

"But he's shut me out..." she said quietly, not easing up of her hold of the Rose. In fact, she seemed stronger than before. Not much, in no way amazingly strong, just a bit. As if there was now a bit more strength to her.
"What am I suppose to do...?" chances of him agreeing to seeing her at all seemed... well, she figured she'd have a better chance of winning the lottery to be honest. And if she did see him, she wasn't sure what he'd do. Wasn't sure what she'd do.

"Perceptions are everything, I grant you that. But... I thought he was pissed off with me, too. Turns out? I was wrong. I was so very wrong. And what he wanted... What he needed? Was for me to come to him."

Guess she'd crawl again...
Just like last time...

Caitiffs became good at crawling though over time...

Teddy just nodded. The movement barely perceivable, but there.

"You don't have to go alone," she said gently. Cass would gladly crawl with her if that's what she felt she needed to do.

Maybe, maybe not. The blond was so lost right now, and any and all decisions she'd made as of late had turned out shit and then some.

"I don't wanna drag you down...." she whispered.

"You can't drag me down, sugar. You can't," she smiled as she gave Teddy a squeeze.

She trembled, her face hiding against the Rose' shoulder and muffling her words.
"I'm scared..." she whimpered, her voice pained. "What if I'm not allowed to see Medwyn anymore...?" she'd honestly kept her head low because of that, because maybe if she did then she would still be allowed to see him. If he was taken away from her... the simple truth was there wouldn't be anything left of the Caitiff to put back together again.