Swimming with the Blonde (Teddy) - Bathtub Beach

She frowned and pursed her lips.

"Malicious isn't one to 'fuck around' much. What did he say? That the twins were your Sire?"

"No, he just said he was in town. That my sire was one of the people who'd recently arrived around the time when we talked and given the elimination method, they... seem the most likely. Though" Teddy shook her head. "I don't know... I dismissed it at first, but I've been thinking about it now and again and I rather just lay the whole thing dead by finding out one way or another. And it ought to be simple enough" or, theoretically simple enough.

She drew her breath.
"At the time there were a Ventrue, two Gangrels, a Tremere, a Lasombra and two Toreadors who'd arrived in town. It's not the Ventrue, the wise guy? Not him. Neither of the Gangrels of that I'm certain, no way my sire would be Tremere and the Lasombra just seems too unlikely. None of them seemed to know who I were. Which... leaves the twins, who speak German as if native and who stares at me as if I was a ghost... which still sounds unlikely..."

She was quiet again for a moment.
"Only thing I was ever fairly certain of was that my sire was a man. Beyond that I know nothing for sure"

She frowned again.

"Well, in one respect, Cally was right. Give me blood and I can find out for you. But I wouldn't ask that of you."

"I think..." she shook her head and sighed as she shrugged her shoulders. "I don't really care who my Sire is. I am what I am, I am who I am. Who or what my Sire is won't change that. I stopped looking a long time ago when I decided I no longer needed the answers. If.. if they deny it, then that'll be that. Plain and simple and I stop looking again. If they or one of them or whatever, is my Sire, then I want them to say it, admit to it. I... I dunno if that makes sense?" the blond frowned slightly, looking at her questioningly. "My Sire stole my virginity, stole my life, left me for dead like trash... Whoever the fucker is, I want him to admit to doing that or else I don't want to know at all"
No, it didn't necessarily make much sense in her own head either.

She frowned.

"While I understand the sentiment, I'm a little confused as to how to make this happen. Mainly because if he doesn't admit the bad things, you don't want to know, really. And that makes it really awkward, honey."

"But that's why I'm making it simple, date, year, place. If they say it means nothing to them, then that'll be it. If they it does mean something... I'll talk with them" she shrugged. "I kinda doubt my Sire would acknowledge any relation to me anyways" he'd left her for dead after all.

She frowned.

"Why do you think that?"

"Left for dead?" she shrugged. "Not as if I've been hiding now is it? If he wanted to find me he could've. And who'd want to fess up to having Sired a Caitiff?""

She frowned.

"How do you know that your Sire didn't try to save your life after someone else left you for dead?"

The simple answer was...
"I don't" she shrugged her shoulders. "Know what, never mind... it's not one of them anyways..." the blond sighed sounding a bit defeated. "Knowing, not knowing, it won't change anything anyways" she disappeared under the water.

Her brows rose.

".......If you say so."

She couldn't hear her under the water.anyways. She just felt that when she did try to do something it was dismissed, so better not to do it. Right? She couldn't even convince herself of that, of her own words... but the water was good for diluting the few tears that escaped her, brought on by old thoughts and memories and questions. Questions she wouldn't find the answer to no matter how long she lived.

She surfaced after.a few moments, one hand clutching the dog tags around her neck.
"If my Sire was around he could've sought me out. He hasn't, so he's either not around or he's chosen not to. And that's that..." she nodded, still trying to convince herself that it didn't matter even though it hurt that her Sire would ignore her existence like that. It was why she was convinced whoever had embraced her had not done so to save her from someone else.

She simply repeated herself:

"...........If you say so."

Yeah, no point thinking about it. She felt like the idea had been dismissed already through the short talk about the subject. It was probably better to just leave it be. So she simply nodded quietly.

She nodded.

"You write your note and I'll deliver it for you."

"Nah, just.. forget it.." she kind of muttered, trying to shake it off with a smile that seemed a bit forced as she shook her head. "It's a bad idea.. I get it" at least that seemed to be what the redhead was telling her.
Besides... Medwyn was likely to flip on her Sire if it turned out she was right about what had happened that night.

She blinked.

"That's not what I was saying at all, actually."

Maybe not but that's what it had felt like.
"I shouldn't have asked, it was silly of me. I just thought, for a brief moment that.. I dunno actually.. maybe?" maybe something, anything, nothing. She wasn't sure anymore.
"I don't wanna be Toreador.." the blond said quietly.

She smiled.

"Wouldn't it be better to know for sure, though?"

The truth... if she was Toreador, she'd be part of the same Clan that considered her not good enough.
"Dunno.."
She didn't want to be part of the same Clan as Areron. She didn't want to be part of the same Clan as Estaban, or Frederico. But she didn't say it out loud.
"I really dunno" the determination shed built up felt a bit broken now.

She nodded.

"All right. Why would you not want to know?"

"Don't ask me that... please..." Teddy asked quietly. She really really didn't want to answer. And she really really didn't want to lie.

She stared at the blonde. Confused.

"What? What's wrong?"

"I don't wanna offend anyone" she said softly. "I just don't want to be a Toreador... I feel better just being a Caitiff. At least like this and no representation I know where I stand"

She frowned.

"Sure, I get that. Just because you know doesn't mean you have to be a Toreador, you know."