Swimming with the Blonde (Teddy) - Bathtub Beach

Teddy paused for a few as she lowered herself into the water until her shoulders and up was the only part of her that was above it.

"It's a lot..." and she feared Griselda would find it silly. She worried she'd be laughed at.

She smiled.

"So? I've got time."

She drew her breath. And hesitated. Really... hesitated.

"I'm watching my best friend get torn down by people who're suppose to be her Clan, her family. Cassie's a good person, but she's being treated like dirt and she doesn't deserve it. And I can't do anything to help. I told you Jamie hasn't spoken to me since before the Primogen meeting that lost me my Court position. And I know he's busy, but I have trouble believing he can't understand or see what it's doing to me that he wouldn't even give me a single friendly word. Just... just enough to let me know he wasn't angry with me..." she paused, eyes on he water rather than the redhead. "He's Medwyn's closest friend... and he's a good man. That he wouldn't understand what this is doing to me seems impossible, so I can't see any other possibility than that he's doing it on purpose..." and shutting her out. "I haven't been able to sleep next to Medwyn since his Accounting was taken from me... It breaks me to be apart form him. That we haven't... had a sexlife since then I can deal with. It's painful too, not being able to be close to him like that, but I can.. I can wait" and the list went on. "And I still feel like an idiot for having allowed myself to believe that I was as much family as a real Toreador. At least I removed myself from the Clan so Estaban wouldn't have to break his promise..."

The blond just kind of sank down into the water until her lips were barely above the surface.
"I've been rejected and thrown aside and broken so many times... But to feel that way from Jamie... to be stupid enough to believe a Toreador... To think I could for a second hold any kind of support against someone who was proper Camarilla and of a proper Clan.... To watch my friend having to be someone she doesn't want to be in order to be accepted... To be parted from my heart like this and unable to do anything to help him..." Medwyn obviously being her heart. "It breaks me..." the blond said weakly, her smile strained as she looked over at Griselda.

"See? I'm stupid..."

She shook her head.

"It's not stupid. Honestly, I'd say that Jamie likely doesn't realize that it's so upsetting to you. He's a good man, but he tends to focus on the problems in front of him rather than someone's feelings. He tries, really he does. But he hasn't asked me how I am and I'm his cousin by mortal blood -- we grew up together -- so he doesn't even think like that. You should call him, see what's going on with him."

She paused.

"As for Medwyn, trust me, I understand. Almost broke me to be away from Estaban, and I was only gone for forty-eight hours. So I feel your pain. I just can't imagine what I would do if I didn't have an option and ha to be away from him for much longer. Sadly, there's nothing that can help that one."

She frowned and shook her head.

"And I haven't a clue what's up with Cassiel. I mean, I've seen her, but she and I haven't really just...talked... in a while."

"You think it's that strange that you haven't talked? You live with Areron in your home and her family... The way she speaks to Cassiel, speaks about everyone save you even, is just... condescending..." the blond kind of muttered, not wanting to say anything too badly because, well, it might get back to the woman who she was doing her damndest to avoid.

"Hell... I haven't even been living at home since she became Harpy... I just... needed to get out of the Domain..." away from her. Though, the only one who actually knew that was Cassiel. And now Griselda.

The blond paused again.
"I don't.. I don't think I can call him... I already came crawling to him once when he didn't speak with me... I don't want to be the one who always comes crawling..." and it wasn't about pride, she couldn't care less about pride. It just, hurt...

She smiled.

"So don't crawl. Just do a 'hey, figured I'd say hi' sort of thing. As for Areron..."

She paused on that one, looking quite thoughtful.

"I know how she is. I do. I know she speaks about everyone as though she's so much better than them. I know I'm exempt from that with her. But that's by design. I need her to trust me and I need her to love me... and I think I've managed that."

Talk about being careful because she didn't want words getting back to the Toreador.

"Is it really so much to ask for me to ask those who know me the best to just bleeding trust me for once?"

"It's not too much to ask. But you do realize, you haven't asked... What a lot of people simply see, what I've only seen, is that she's your best friend. She gets everything she wants. Anyone who dare raise their voice in protest gets bitch slapped and put down. I don't know what you're doing... I don't know what you're doing, though I'm sure you have a reason for it. Just... there's collateral..." it was inevitable though she wasn't sure the redhead saw it that way.
"People are getting hurt. And not everyone's strong enough to shrug it off if they truly do care..."

She brushed her fingers through the water, one hand coming to touch the dog tags around her neck.
"I mean... she even got so many to help her go to the Carnival that everyone else already got told to stay away from. So she could get her family back and not once did she utter thanks but rather called everyone uncaring and only out for themselves... I..." Teddy shook her head. "Sorry... I shouldn't be talking... I'm already worried my acknowledgement is going to be revoked... I really don't want to get in trouble with her..." her voice turned to a whisper as if asking Griselda to please not tell the woman about this.

She nodded and she looked at Teddy.

"I know that's all they see. That's all that they can see, all that they should see, and all that Areron herself will see. Christ, even Ethan, who hates me for reasons that I don't want to go into, isn't even foolish enough to think that's actually the case, no matter what it is that he sees. And no one will know what I'm doing, since actually even telling someone this much could be dangerous. I can't risk some things getting back to Areron, period."

Then she smiled.

"She can't revoke your acknowledgment, though. Only Ethan or Jamie can do that."

She smiled weakly.
"Ethan hates my guts...." Medwyn's friend hadn't said a word to her in ages. "And Jamie..." yeah she already explained that.

"I'm Caitiff... I'm just trying to stay out of the way. Keep my head low. Avoid getting on her radar" or anyone's radar for that matter. "Heh... it's almost so a part of me wish the damn Nos was right.. at least it would've given people right to hate me or accept me" though either, based solely on lineage, bothered her. It shouldn't be about blood but it was. It always was.

"I won't say anything... I'm only in PSL to visit Medwyn... I'm... staying elsewhere" wheeee Miami.

She nodded.

"I get that. But you have to seriously break some Traditions for them to revoke the Prince's Acknowledgment. Seriously... they'd be in so much trouble so fast that your head would spin. And if you're not actually staying in PSL, where are you staying?"

Worried... seriously worried she would tell Areron. But...
"Miami..." she muttered.

She blinked.

"Oh... oh, that's not good, Teddy. Miami is crawling with Sabbat. It's not really safe."

"I'm not in the way there..." and it was still safer, even with Sabbat. Heh... "I don't want to be in the way..." she offered with a fleeting smile. She didn't add the part about being pretty sure only a handful would even care if something did happen to her.
But, nothing would happen to her. She could defend herself. And for the most part, she was pretty much invisible as she was pretty good at laying low if she put effort into it.
Areron couldn't reach her there. She couldn't be in Jamie's way there. She didn't have to stay in a home which bedroom door had been locked since Medwyn went to stay at Jamie's...
And honestly? At least with Sabbat she expected to have to look over her shoulder. Expected to be hurt. Expected to be pray. She didn't have to worry about who might or might not turn on her. In that aspect it was simple.

She frowned.

"Will you at least let me come and ward the place? It's not much, but it might help."

"I..." couldn't actually decide that on her own seeing as Cass occasionally stayed there too. "You could ward my house... I... I haven't been by in ages, but, if I do get to go back some night.." she'd really like the place to be safe. "Just... please... don't tell her... don't tell her where home is..." she pleaded quietly. Because she really did hope she would get to come back. To live there. With Medwyn... though the thought of it felt so distant right now.

She blinked, confused.

"What? Tell who where your house is?"

Obviously, it hadn't occurred to the redhead to tell anyone where she lived. Duh... haven is sacred.

"Areron..." came the whispered name, muffled by the water.

She blinked and looked confused.

"Why would I tell her where you live?"

She just shook her head. The girl acting like the kicked puppy she felt like. The Caitiff had been kicked around, gotten things thrown in her face so many times now she just... kind of had resigned herself to it happening again. And while she didn't answer in words it was clear she was worried. Worried she'd be hurt again.

Eyes on the water, she whispered with a broken voice.
"I want to be able to go home..." to have a home... with her lover.

She blinked.

"Again: Why would I tell Areron where you live?"

"I just worry..." she whispered, eyes closed as she looked and sounded guilt ridden for having said anything at all. "I'm sorry..."

She smiled.

"It's all right. I'm just not sure why I would do something like that."

"I'm just a bit off my game with everything that's been going on..." Teddy said softly, an apologetic smile still on her lips.

She shook her head and smiled.

"It's all right. I think. It's just a little weird, I guess. Either you trust me or you don't."

"I trust you.." she sighed. "I'm just... not worth as much as others.." so she was kind of expecting to get the short end of the stick again if anything arose that would require that sides be taken or someone be sacrificed.