To Keep You Company (Teddy) - Sunflower Beach

And Cass pulled her hand away. She knew what Teddy meant. And a part of her wondered if this was her friend finally willing or able to talk.

She discarded the popcorn, putting the pieces back into the bowl and setting it aside. Her arms were instantly back around Teddy, giving her a reassuring squeeze. In all honesty, Cass had a pretty good idea of how the Caitiff felt, given that last year. And if she couldn't do anything more than be there for her, she would be.

"It is quiet," she agreed softly. "And sometimes that quiet can seem overwhelming. Sometimes the silence can be deafening. And if you want to talk about it... I'm here."

"Isn't anything to talk about" she more or less whispered. "I fucked up. Medwyn got hurt. Jamie took him away to help him..." and the house was quiet and the bedroom was dark and empty and home... home didn't feel like home. "I can't do anything..." except mess up, obviously.

"What do you mean you fucked up?" She didn't want to push, but... dammit...

"He got hurt..." she repeated softly because no, she didn't want to say it again. She'd felt as though she'd betrayed him when she'd told Jamie, and just.. just couldn't bring herself to do so again. "It was my fault.."

"He got hurt in your presence?"

She wasn't going to press for specifics. But this was important.

"He was hurt protecting me..." her arms around the Rose tightened a little, her voice guilt ridden. "It shouldn't have happened..."

"Teddy, sweetheart..." She squeezed her tightly, letting her know she wasn't going anywhere or judging her. "Listen to me very carefully, I need to know... Did what happen to him happen in your presence? Were you there when it happened?" Cass knew he had lost humanity, she'd seen it in his face.

"Makes no difference..."she still should've stopped him, still should've kept it from happening in the first place.

"Theodora," yes, she used her full name. "It makes every bit of difference."

It made no difference to her. So... there was no answer...

Mhm... that's what she thought.

"Teddy, do you want to help him? Honest to God want to help him?"

How could she even ask that?
The Caitiff pulled back as if she'd been burned, the pained look saying what her words did not. Really... how could she ask that?

It got a reaction, that's why she did it.

"Then listen to me, sweetie. You have got to find the strength within yourself to forgive yourself. I can't tell you and make you believe that Medwyn had a choice in this. That in the end, you probably couldn't have stopped him. But I can tell you that the only way you are going to be able to move forward and move forward with Medwyn is to forgive yourself, take the hand that's been offered to pull you up and start again. You love him. He loves you. Anyone with a pair of eyes can see that. Only you can make yourself miserable."

She reached out to touch Teddy's cheek.

"Sweetie, I know you love him. I know you want him back. And you'll get him back. But you've got to fight this depression. You have to fight it with every ounce of energy you have and all of the energy you don't think you have. You need him and he needs you. And you both have to be strong for each other. This? This is a bump in the road and I know it looks huge and impossible. But it's not. You have to believe that."

She needed forgiveness, but not her own, because she couldn't forgive herself. She needed Medwyn's... Jamie's... but she couldn't ask for either. She didn't deserve either and if what she had caused coudn't be fixed? Then forgiveness would mean nothing...

The blond shook her head, slowly retreating into the corner of the sofa, curling up as if protecting herself. She just... couldn't...

It was worse than she thought. It was down right painful to the Rose to see Teddy like this. Unwilling... unable to forgive herself. And Cass was now thoroughly pissed off, too. She didn't know the whole story, but something seemed off. Something wasn't right. And it seemed that way more than likely because Teddy wasn't willing to open her mouth.

But, Cass didn't push. She was done talking. She stood and took Teddy's hand. A warm bath, no more talking. Maybe there wasn't much she could do to make Teddy comfortable, but she would damn sure try.

She'd go with Cassiel without protest, at least until they got upstairs, at least until they got to the bedroom they had to walk through to get to the adjoining bathroom that had the bath tub. The blond hadn't been able to set foot in that room since the night after he'd left. And stopped, pressing her back tot he wall as she shook her head slowly. The door closed.
"I can't..." she muttered.

Didn't Teddy see how much she was hurting herself? Cass didn't want to push... God she didn't want to push.

"You have to tell me what I can do for you then... Please..." She'd start begging if she had to.

The blond kind of just shook her head, a pained smile across her lips.
"Turn back time?" yeah, that.. was probably the only thing that could fix it less she was given forgiveness she could neither ask for nor deserved.

She needed Medwyn... she needed for him to be safe...

Cass nodded.

"I can do that... Maybe not literally. But I can fix it. Let me?"

"If you can..." she swallowed though it did nothing to get rid of the lump that had gotten stuck in her throat. "Help Medwyn..."

"Baby, I can't help just one of you or the other. Either way, I'm going to help both of you. But you have to let me."

"Helping him would help me..." it would. It was all she could think of.

"I don't want you staying here alone," she didn't. She really didn't. Because people in the depths of this much despair? Desperate. Or they could be.

"Thanks... but I'm not alone..." she said quietly, leaning against the wall still, though she hadn't let go of the Rose's hand. "Grace moved in to look after me... she wanted me to come stay with her but I couldn't. I need to look after the garden... I want it to look pretty for when he comes back..." he... he was coming back. Right?

"And he's coming back," Cass said, touching two fingers just under Teddy's chin to force her to look her in the eyes. "And Grace... you're family. She's got your back and she'll take care of you. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't call me if you want to, if you need to."

Cass leaned forward and kissed her forehead. "Give me a little time."