I am so sorry... (Medwyn, backdated) - Sunflower Beach

-cont. from here

It had felt like the longest drive in history, that drive back home from the regency. The Caitiff still looking as if she'd been gutted, just barely able to look at Medwyn, still feeling horribly guilty for all that had happened. Because in the end, it had happened because of her.

Once inside, she had only greeted the critters so that she could pick them up, and for the time being, put them in their cage with a few treats to keep them quiet before the blond had headed upstairs to help him pack. A fwe shirts and change of clothes, other things he'd need or want, and the dreamcatcher... she was shaking when she reached out to take the dreamcatcher from where it hung above the bed. Their bed...

He walked in behind her. Walked in, reaching for her hand to stop her from packing. Just for a moment. He looked her in the eye, shaking his head. "It's going to be all right, love. I promise."

"I can't even ask you to forgive me..." the blond whispered with tear filled eyes. "I failed you... I broke my promise to Jamie..." and she was trembling, having trouble meeting his gaze though her fingers did close tightly around his. "I am so sorry... I let you get hurt...."
Afraid... she was so very afraid and it showed.
"I-I betrayed you.... and now I can't even be close to you to try and mend what harm I've caused" she so wanted to lean into him to hold him and beg him to forgive her but she couldn't, she just couldn't. Not after what she'd done. The blond knew she didn't deserve him, and it had been made all the more painfully obvious to her now.

Maybe the ferrets could sense it? The unspoken tension of her guilty conscience, because while they'd normally be all over them when they came home, the two now hid under the bed, simply peaking out at them in silence.

He pulled her to him, pulled her head against his chest and stroked her hair. He rested his chin on the top of her head and kissed her there. But both arms went around her. "Hush, now. You didn't do anything wrong."

She broke down in tears when he did that, her arms moving around him in turn as she clung to him. Her hands grasping at the fabric of his shirt to tightly her knuckles were turning white with the effort.
"I love you... I love you more than anything and I let this happen. I'm so sorry, love.... I'm so sorry" the blond sobbed. "I did everything wrong... I betrayed your trust and his... I hurt you..."

He shook his head and just held her, not letting go of her. Not even a little bit. "Shh. No, you didn't. I did this to you. It's I that should be asking your forgiveness."

"Please... say you love me...?" Teddy whispered, a soft plea in her voice, begging that he might still be able to say that and mean it. "Even if I'm undeserving of it...."

He let his hands move, caressing her back until he could cup both of her cheeks in his palms. Then he tilted her head back, so that he could look her in the eye. "I love you, Teddy. I love you more than words could express and more than I can explain."

It was a different shiver that rushed through her when he touched her like that, as the soothing feel of his gentle hands stood in contrast to the painful fears and emotions that were trying to tear her apart from the inside out.
Gently her hands relaxed a little as he cupped her cheeks and tilted her head back enough to have her look up at him, though her hands still lingered on his back, though gently resting there now rather than clinging to him with what little strength he had.

"And I love you... you who're my heart and soul..." she whispered, a few tears still managing to escape her and trace over his hands. "I'll make this right somehow...." though she had no clue how. "Forgive me for breaking my promise of always being there when you fall asleep and when you wake up..." for that she could beg forgiveness... though for her betrayal she could not..

He shook his head. "No. There's no apology needed. You didn't break that promise. Jamie is breaking it for you. There's a big difference there." He leaned forward, close, and brushed a tender, loving kiss over her lips. "No more apologies. You haven't done anything wrong. I did this to myself."

She drew her breath when she felt the brush of his lips, the instinctive reaction being to arch into that touch as she closed her eyes with a low whimper and returned it tenderly.
"He only wishes what's best for you... maybe he can help where I've failed... and we can be together again afterwards... right?" Teddy whispered, letting out a soft sigh as she moved a hand to rest on one of his as he cupped her cheeks. "I love you so very much Medwyn... will... will you see me when I come by the house...? I can't stand the thought of not seeing you..."

He nodded. "Every chance I get, I'll come and see you. No matter where it is. Just... wait for me? Please?" Because he could think of nothing worse than her to find someone else while he was stuck, unable to do anything about it.

"Only yours..." the blond whispered against his lips. "For now and through eternity. Yours Medwyn..." she wanted no one else. "I'd wait a century just to see your smile again. I'd wait a millennium just to feel your touch again if that is what it took... I'll wait, I'll always wait for you" she whimpered, choking back the sob and the desire to cry again.

With his thumbs, he gently brushed her tears away. Then he kissed her again. Soft and slow, his lips barely touching hers. He wouldn't force her to kiss him, after all. And the moment called for tenderness. "That's all I can ask for," he said in a whisper.

He didn't need to force her to do anything, she needed him, wanted him, loved him. So when his lips touched hers, she leaned into it so she could return the kiss tenderly but with a tiny bit more pressure just so he would know that she wanted this, wanted his touch.
"Love you..." the blond repeated in a whisper against his lips, the arm around him holding him close. Needing so badly to be close just a little while longer because when day came? They'd be apart... and she'd be alone...

She was already dreading the day's return. She was scared, terrified in fact... though how could she not be? When it felt like her heart was being ripped from her chest.
"I miss you already..." the blond once more finding herself clinging to him as her fingers closed around the fabric of his shirt there her hand rested on his back. Her other hand still resting on his with a trembling touch that sought to hold onto him, just.. just a few moments longer.. "You... you'll come back to me... right..?"

He smiled at her, but it was a pained, weak smile. He did, however, look her in the eye. "How could you think that I wouldn't?"

"I would never doubt you... just say that you'll come back to me... Just say that you'll let Jamie help you...." the blond whispered, looking up at him. "I need you, I trust you... You can do this.. regain what's been lost... I-I... I can't lose you to your Beast... please, love... Please..." she pleaded softly, the touch of her hand on his trembling. "I love you so much... I need you, Medwyn... and you're so much stronger than you think... Please, hold on..." the blond slipped one of his hands from her cheek, moving it to rest on her chest above her heart, pressing her hand against the back of his to hold it there as if fearing being without his touch.
"For us..."

She pushed herself up just enough to brush her lips across his again.
"I believe in you, I trust you, I love you... always and forever... love of my life..." and to be without him... "I need you..." needed him to stay with her, as himself, not as a pale reflection on the mans he loved. "And I'll wait... I'll always wait for you. I'll always be there for you" she would always be there for him. She would always love him. No matter what. Though she was allowed to hope though, right? Hope..

He listened to her, the words almost cutting him. It was even almost tangible, but he didn't let it show. He would never let it show, not in front of her. "Don't worry, love. I'll come back to you. Jamie knows what he's doing."

Maybe he didn't need to let it show. Emphatic Caitiff was quite good with emotional insight. And him? Maybe she could recognize the tiny changes that no one else would've noticed? Maybe she saw in his eyes what he wasn't saying?
She never meant to hurt him... and the sudden look of pained panicked was caused by the realization that she had.
"Oh, God... Medwyn... I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" though it wouldn't stop the trembling or the tears welling up in her eyes. Why couldn't she just shut up?. "I didn't mean to hurt you... I love you... I-I" she swallowed and tried to calm herself again, enough to speak coherently at least. "I promised you honesty, love... I will alway give you honesty. I trust you, with everything. I have never read your thoughts, not even once looked at your aura... I don't need to, because I know you would never lie to me... So please... what did I say wrong to hurt you...?" Teddy whispered. "You know I'll still love you just as much, no matter what..."

He shook his head, his hand coming up to stroke her hair. "You didn't hurt me, Teddy. I did it to myself. It hurts that I have to leave you, that I can't be the man you want me to be. Or need me to be. I fucked up, I think, and that's on my head. And I don't like the thought that I may lose you because of it."

"N-no..." her voice briefly cracked as both hands, warm and gentle, found his cheeks. "You won't ever lose me... nothing short of final death will ever part me form you and even then I'd find a way to be with you again..." she brushed her thumbs softly across his cheeks, gazing into his eyes.
"You are the man that I want you to be... you're the man I fell in love with and gave my heart to. I don't want you to change for me... I just want you to hold onto who you are... and not give in to your Beast... please... please see the difference?"

He frowned and shook his head. "The difference is that there isn't any difference."

It stung... The blond feeling even more guilty than she already did, though, she was surprised to find that was possible as she lowered her gaze and her head.
"I'm sorry..." she whimpered weakly. She just needed to shut up, needed to stop crying, needed to stop saying all the wrong things and making him feel bad.
The result was a quiet sob as she shivered.

He shook his head. "There's nothing for you to apologize for. It's not your fault."