Brainiac-- Torpid Dreams Part One - Rolf Sechs

Ugh.

So much darkness, he couldn't even remember what had happened, right away. He knew... knew that he had turned to attack whatever it was that had followed him out of that alleyway. But there was nothing there, then... something.. then darkness. It had been so fast, there hadn't even been any pain. Just the lights going out. But this.. what was this? He had been sitting in silence, for so long. Felt like a century, sitting.. waiting.. for something, anything. Was this purgatory? As his soul lost in the eternal damnation of nothingness? Better than hell, I suppose. But the pain... god, the pain. It had him scratching with human fingers at the flesh along himself, trying to push the sensations away. But even here.. he couldnt seen. No powers... no animal traits, just... suffering.

Then, there was his head. What was it? What ice cold snake was trying to crush his skull? Oh, how he ached, his hands coming up to run along his head, as if cold dead hands could do anything about the pain of cold sensations. But he tried to rub it out.. until the pulsing began. Brilliant and temporary flashes of light, offering glimpses into the surroundings? Where in the hell was he? This had to be some sort of punishment, for something... or the Sabbat finally got him. Purgatory. This had to be Purgatory.

Then... those eyes....

He immediately jumped backwards, in a knee jerk reaction to coming face to face with something he KNEW he shouldnt be face to face with. A low growl echoing in the back of his throat. Then they eyes again.. the blood.. the drips upon water. Then.. her voice... like sugar ontop of poison. He knew it well.

Eyes shifted left and right, upon the darkness of the room... trying to pinpoint the location of the voice. "Where am I? Why the fuck are you here?!" Instantly on the defensive, and speaking his native German tongue.

The storm was likely an omen, of this very moment. He looked around, suspiciously. He knew for damned sure, he wasnt on a cloud. His scientific mind wouldnt even begin to allow him to attempt to process such a thing. No... this must be a dream.. but... that means.. torpor. Jesus chris.. how long had he been here? It felt like eternity, but ... surely not an eternity had passed. He wasnt an old kindred, and shouldnt be down long, right?

It was just a dream... she couldnt hurt him, here. And maybe.. just maybe.. .some lingering part of him still had some form of love, for the woman. THey had started to grow mentally close, once.. but then she had cross the line, and he shut her out for good. But now... here she was. Her form meant nothing, not did the marks upon her flesh. It wasnt realy.. wasnt tangible, even if it felt like that. It was a dream. Just a dream.

He allowed his hand to be taken, but the look upon his face... skeptical. "What do you want, Violet? Come to torment me in this great sleep? Come to beg to be let out, again?" he snorted.

She brought his hand to her lips, just letting them brush softly against his skin in such a loving manner. Not quite the touch of a lover to another and not quite the feel of a mother to a child. The touch lay somewhere in between. She stepped closer to him and with each step, her feet appeared to kick up the feathery ribbons of cloud, letting them drift upward in thick, foggy ribbons.

Her free hand came to rest against his cheek as she stared into Rolf's eyes. And in the moment the ice blue of her eyes dulled to a storm gray. She guided him down to sit on the softness of the cloud just as the thunder rolled under them. He could feel the rumble as it flooded his senses.

"If I were here to torment you, I would not be gentle. No... You and I are both...stuck now. And as lonely as it has been for me and as angry as I may have been in the past, I would not wish this cold, torturous feeling of emptiness upon you. You've come a long way, my darling. Proven yourself more than I could have ever dreamed to do myself. Every step of your journey, I have been with you. You are... a man. In a way. Grown up, not making the same mistakes I had made. You still hold that spark of life to you. You did the right thing, you know? Putting me away like that. It was for the best," Violet said softly, sweetly and with an air of admiration.

The boy had felt the rumbling, and it was if the cloud itself echoed the thoughts he had. Turbulent, rumbling thoughts. He looked upon Violet, indifferently, as she spoke and shined some affectionate touches and words upon him. However, the boy did not look convinced. He knew better than to trust here.

"Get to the point, Violet." he said dryly, but did not shy away from her touches. It wasnt real, afterall. SHe could to no harm to him, here. His hand slipped out of her own, and defensively his arms folded across his chest. He didnt even look to see if he had clothes on, in this dream.. but he did note.. he seemed to look like his hold self. The aryian child of blond hair and blue eyes. Eyes that almost matched her own.

"My point is, sweet one," she tilted her head to him, her smile fading just a bit. "If we are going to be lonely, what harm would it do if we were to be lonely together? Unless you would like me to whisper things to you... all of the horrid little things that you are used to."

Violet's touches stopped when Rolf pulled away. In fact, she looked hurt, as if she had been struck. The lightning flashed beneath them. And in that flash of light, the world below them came into focus. The world he saw was rather Dickensian in nature... Cobble streets with tall, wood framed houses that looked so close and yet so far away. People scrambled about to take shelter from the rain, looking much like lab rats trying to find their way through a most difficult maze.

But it was the thunder that stuck out the most. Even over Violet's silken voice, the thunder spoke to him like they were old frenemies.

"Take her," it said. "Kill her. Drink her. Make her submit."

His chest suddenly felt afire again, burning like the worst case of heart burn he could have possibly imagined.

Ohhhh thunder and lightening, the storm within his soul, what beautiful friends, we once were. The beast, demanding tribute... blood. Her blood, once again. Rolf's eyes narrowed upon her. "You never cared about me, Violet. I was nothing but a tool... a plaything, for you and the filth you associated with." His eyes slowly shifted over the scene below, looking back to her with that same dangerous look. "I was never anything, to you. And now.... now that I am here... you want to play nice? Why do i find this all hard to believe?"

And he took a step towards her, those soft lips of his upturning into a sadistic grin. It had been so long, since he had taken the soul of another. It had been.. delicious. So as he began to approach her. his arms slowly unfolded. "Tell me, Violet," as he began to almost stalk her. "What do I mean, to you? What does all this... mean to you?"

He stopped, as she began to crawl towards him. His head shifted, and cool blue eyes drifted.. watching her approach. A smirk was upon his lips. She was trying oh so hard, wasnt she? But for what?

His head tilted to the side, no flinching away from her touches, but didnt seem particularly accepting of them either, Just allowing. "Tell me, 'mother', what it is you want. I think I know, but I want to hear and feel it from your lips." Feel it? "I know.. that your blood runs in me. I know that we are one, in essence. Tell me something, I am not aware of. I get terribly bored.. and hungry."

"I want you," she cooed at him. "I want you to be... everything. Everything for me. Everything for yourself. Truly, Rolf, I want you to be happy. Is that so hard to believe? If you are happy, so am I."

Her hands strayed farther up until they reached his thighs. That cold touch seemed to permeate, sinking down to his very bones. She looked up at him with motherly glance that soon turned into something much different. She had the eyes of a lover, waiting to bestow upon him the greatest pleasure... But her lips and teeth were feline... As if he were but a mouse that needed to be pounced. Perhaps the looks were one in the same?

The thunder rolled again, shaking the foundation of the cloud upon which they stood and knelt. And the Beast again reared it's ugly head, pounding in Rolf's burning chest with the impatience of a speeding bullet.

"Now! NOW! TASTE HER!"

The roaring within himself.. within the clouds, caused him to grind his teeth. God... he wanted her, in the worst of ways. There was no doubt about it. She was always with him, she had comforted him, taunted him, hurt him, and even loved him. He racked all this up to just her wanting to get out, but with her upon her knees.. gazing upon him... speaking like she did, his head softly tilted. Eyes were still dangerously narrowed, and the aminalistic growl that reverberated through him told of his increasing hunger. For what exactly, was a difficult guess. But maybe not for her.. she was likely to understand fully the difference in his lust for sex and lust for blood.

"Why?" Was the simply question. He really was being difficult, to say the least. But they were real questions. This was all rather sketchy, but how much harm could come from playing the game, if even for a little bit?

So, with that, his gaze stayed upon her eyes.

He just stared quietly, at her, for a long time. It was bullshit. It had to be, right? The Sabbat had no humanity, and she had been Sabbat for a long time. But he found himself thinking... wondering. Soon enough, he came to sit next to her... eyes downturned at the scene below.

"What is below us? What is all this?" was he... warming up? Maybe his curiosity was just getting the better of him. He was close, though. Nearly touching close. But he did not touch. He simply looked down, at the village, genuinely puzzled.

"And why were you crying, when I woke?" Eyes shifted softly over to her. It was hard to look intimidating, i his true human appearance, so right now.. he was anything but that.

"Castle Combe, in Britain," she seemed to smile. "Isn't it beautiful?"

The cloud shook as the thunder rumbled a little closer. A breeze, warm and moist, reached them. And the cold feeling around his head lifted, at least for the time being. The muscles in his sire audibly popped and shifted as she relaxed, perching so that her feet were as flat upon the cloud as they could be and her knees were at her chest as she hugged them.

"What this is, I couldn't be sure. Perhaps it is your own mind coping? In torpor, there is little one can do. The sleep takes us and that is that. But... you're different, Rolf. You have a drive about you. If you didn't, you wouldn't have gone back to the pit that was Seattle. Torpor is unacceptable to you, and so... you've retreated into the webs of your mind. That's what I think, anyway. I could be wrong. You could just be insane, but... we all are to a certain degree."

Violet looked down at the village, her eyes searching for something in particular. They danced over the puddles that seemed to grow bigger with the falling rain. They were hypnotizing in a way.

"I cried... out of relief. You pushed me away. So far away. And for good reason... But I am still relieved to have you here. Even if it's just so you can yell at me. I will take the yelling, for it is a gift. A gift of which I do not deserve."

Rolf frowned, then... something she said, really got to him.. and rather suddenly. What exactly it was, maybe even she didnt know... couldnt hear. But it was something, for sure. His brows furrowed, at it. "I never wanted this, Violet. I dont understand.. why you picked me. I was just a kid. Some stupid little nobody, with no friends, and a stack of books." he sighed and a hand came up to rub at his head, no matter if the pressure was no longer there in great measure.

"Why? Why me? And then... why did you abandon me? A sire is supposed to care about their childer. A mother to care for her son. Why was I so great, that you felt I was the proper one to inflict the curse upon... then you.. left me..." But he knew, didn't he? He knew he was nothing more than a pawn, at the time. But still... of all the pawns.. why him?

His frown deepend a bit. "You know its bullshit, Violet. My survival hasnt been on strength, but fear..."

Violet peered at Rolf from the corner of her eye, biting down on her thumb as she shook her head. "And do you think I wanted this? I was no better off than you. I had a life once. It was grand or even good. But it was still a life. My sire did the same. 'Gangrel,' she said to me. 'Gangrel do not need anyone. Sink or swim'. Even Cammies and Independents do this sort of thing to their childer. You had it no differently than anyone else. I'm not saying that's right or wrong because I don't know. But we supposedly learn by example. It's not an excuse. But I picked you for the same reason my sire picked me-- convenience." And oh did that sound like the truth.

"And it's always fear that drives us. Haven't you gotten that through your thick skull yet? We gain power to survive because of fear. We fear that which we cannot see. We fear the elders that would oppress us. We fear the True Death, loss, failure... Fear drives every emotion. If you knew as the kindred you are now that the only way you would survive the wrath of your better was to turn an innocent, wouldn't you do it? I did. I did that. I did that to you. And I did the one thing that the Beast drives us to do on a nightly basis... I survived."

She looked at him full on, the tears welling back up in her eyes. "And you hate for it."

He sighed, again. He ddnt look to her tears. He could smell them, so no point looking. He just frowned, then placed his head in his hands. "Im so tired of this, Violet. So tired of the fighting. Of the hate. Of the fear. Of the rage the dwells within me... of the bloodlust that is never truly satiated. Tired of the pain." Hands rubbed along his face, slowly.

Then.. he did something highly unexpected. He slowly leaned across, forcing his body between her chest and her legs, to lay across hr lap. His arms curled up under his head, as if to act like a pillow. His eyes still aimed downwards, towards the village.

It was a dream, and this was safe, right? Maybe she was right. He might be stuck here forever, and better to have a friend, than an enemy within his mind, for now. "I am trying to get better... again. But every time I try to pull myself out of all this bullshit, something sucks me right back in. The beast takes hold and scars me over.. and over again. I dont even know if I look like I once did, anymore. I cant remember those days." he frowned and fell silent once again.

She laid her legs flat so that he could curl up. Soft fingers ran through his hair and over his temples tenderly, lovingly even. "I was where you are now when you killed me," Violet said in a whisper.

"Eye for an eye sounds good on paper, doesn't it? But it doesn't feel the same, not when your lust is so great... Let me help you, Rolf? Please? By ourselves, we're nothing... but together, maybe we can put the pieces back together somehow. If that's what you want... if your humanity it was you crave..."

She shook her head, turning his head towards her face so that she could look upon him was a gentle but firm gaze. Her hands were so soft. Were they this soft before?

"Or cast me aside again if it is truly too much to bear. I would understand."

He shook his head. "I dont give a shit about my humanity, Violet. I am just tired of being alone. Doing this, alone. Tired of everything i love or touch, turning to ruins" He then looked down, turning his face away from her to stare at the ground again. "This isnt my dream.. this can't be. I have never been here, before. Never even heard the name of this place. I wouldn't even begin to know what it would or should look like."

HE slowly turned his face towards her own again. "This is you, isn't it?" He didnt seem upset, but curious. "It's my mind, but you set this up... didn't you?"

"Impossible," she shook her head. "I couldn't have set this up without you. You have the control. It is your mind, not mine. What, do you think this is my attempt to live vicariously through you?"

The lightning grew closer as a gaggle of clouds began to pass in front of them. The feather-white wisps of cumulus billowed and buckled under the strain of the water they held, threatening to burst out into a violent flood aimed right for sire and child. But Violet seemed not to notice. The village disappeared from sight as visibility took a nose dive. The cloud they inhabited shook like an earthquake, threatening to split the cloud into two chunks... and perhaps even drive them apart.

"If it had been your village we were seeing... would you feel differently? Would it... anger you? If it was Seattle below us, what then? I remember seeing Castle Comb in picture books. It was my goal, Rolf. To see that village, to meet those people. To be a part of something. I never got there. So yes, now... now I think of those goals and how they were taken from me. How I ignored them when things got too tough. But this is truly your mind, believe me. Use it. Create what you want. Make it anything."

"Seattle..." he nodded slowly, but looking off into the distance. "Seattle was horrible. So many two faced, back stabbing, fake leeches. True plagues on humanity itself. But... there was... her..."

His eyes narrowed in memory, and the clouds began to swirl away. The billowy puffs of smoke began to engulf everything around them.. extending out into hills of snow. A nearly frozen lake began to emerge from the surroundings, and while the color was blindingly white, for a moment, the sky began to form. Night.. clear.. full moon handing deep in the sky.

The pair of them now sitting upon a snowy hill, with crystal flakes falling from the heavens, all about them from soft clouds. There was a slight chilly breeze in the air, and he turned his head to look upon the scene.

In the distance... was Rolf. Standing there, staring out over the slightly frozen lake in deep contemplation. "I was so lost... nothing but death and destruction kept me calm, then... you remember... but then.. she came along..."

From a forest that seemed to rise up from the ground, as the memory of it returned to him, walked a girl. Red haired... beautiful..."Clover...." the only love of his life. The girl in the distance... walked towards the boy by the shore, and they soon met in deep embrace that was far beyond lovers.

Meanwhile.. the Rolf in Violet's lap just watched in silence... a single tear sliding down his cheek.

"And on that you dwell, my sweetling," her fingers were still running through his hair. It was a strange comfort, but still a comfort. She caught his tear with a finger, brushing the blood of it across his bottom lip as if asking him to reserve his strength.

This dream was now his to control. For now. Some part of him knew that Violet could take control back at any time-- after all, they shared one mind, one soul. As the snow fell, some part of him wept. Something that neither of them could see. But he could feel it like the twisting of a knife. The pain was his and very much real.

"You have suffered her loss. And for that, I am sorry. But it is your memory that keeps her close to your heart," as dead and cold and unbeating as it was. "She will always be with you," though not in the same way as his sire.

"If she were here in the flesh right now... what would you say to her, Rolf? What would you do?"

"What would I say?" he seemed to reflect her words easily. The pain was indeed real, to him. He suffered it, every single day of his existence. I had thought that returning to Seattle.. to her grave.. would easy the suffering, but it hadn't. Not in the least. He always felt that night, twisting in his hear... into his soul. But now.. he wept, from the pain. The memory as all too real, as the pair near the edge of the lake held each other tightly in an embrace that never seemed to end.

"I would tell her... I am sorry. So very sorry, for having failed her. I only every wanted to love her. I was ready to give up everything. The power, the fear I had learned to inspire. The goals of eating every single member of our family line, in retribution for the monster I had become. Because.. with her... I felt human again. Whole... happy." Even as she moved to brush away the tear and run it across his lips, more fell. "I got her killed. She died, because of me... and I can never see her again. Never fell her touch. Never take in her scent.. never give her the love and adoration that I had for her."

His head hung, now, face hiding within his arms. "But I can't. She is gone.. and it is my fault. THe only thing I ever loved... I killed."

Strong arms swept Rolf up. Violet held him against her and let him weep, shushing him gently like a mother would a child. Even she cried. How could she not? His soul was her soul, his emotions, her emotions. "Everyone has their time, my darling. Even with what we are, we do not live forever. Regardless of fault, it was her time to die the True Death. And some night, you can join her in that eternity and be one with your love. But until then, my sweet Rolf, live as she would have wanted you to. With her memory to guide you and to hold you when you are at your weakest. She came to you for a reason. Do not let her death be for naught. Let it fuel you."

She cradled him so caringly. It had to have been odd. But she kissed the top of his head and rocked him, pulling his head against her cold, dead chest. And there was a warmth there. "You will always have her. Stop your tears and get up. Get up and go to her now. Tell her these things while her form is still here for you to see, to hold."