->Live Music, more weirdness - CJ's Den

->continued from here

He drove home in silence, opening the garage gates to drive the motorcycle inside before closing up and locking up, making sure every damn lock was secured before even pulling his helmet off. A helmet that was then thrown sideways into the wall with enough force to crack the outer shell.
So much for that one...

Confused, angry or well, furious actually, and scared. Because hey, with all that had happened to him he was allowed to be scared because it all seemed completely out of his control. He pulled his jacket off before throwing it onto the floor with no care, snatched a beer from the fridge but found little comfort in the mouth full as his eyes quickly darted around the place.

This was insane...

He pushed away from the kitchen counter and moved to the small safe by his bed, the one that served as a nightstand most of the time and plotted in a code to retrieve the H&K 9mm he kept there.
A quick check and the weapon was loaded and holstered in a shoulder holster he normally didn't ever wear before he grabbed a combat knife from one of the bags in his closet and stripped it to his belt, a secondary knife finding its way in under his pillow even if he knew damn well he wasn't goign to be able to sleep.

He was loosing it...

He was fucking loosing it!

The beerbottle followed the example of the helmet and was hurled into the wall, shattering into a hundred little pieces and spilling everywhere. His roar, one as much of frustration as from the anger he was feeling, filling the open space of the warehouse for a moment before silence one again took it's place while he sank down onto the edge of the bed.

Hunched forward, he rested his elbows on his knees and linked his fingers behind his head while trying to focus, trying to find a sensible solution and explanation to all of this.
Or well, he had the solution didn't he? Whatever was in his system was turning him into a madman with all the illusions and sensory input. He just couldn't for the love of God understand what he'd been given to make him feel this way. To see what he'd seen. And he'd seen some fucked up things in his life, but this? This was starting to make Libanon seem like a breeze.

Still tense... still on edge... Even his breathing felt strained from the way every fiber in his body had just turned rigid. He was never like this. Not even all the times he'd been shot! Then again, he'd never been in a situation where he'd been so utterly deprived of control either. Because he was at the very least used to being in control of himself. But... he wasn't even that anymore.

Please...

He just wished the world would go away and leave him alone for a while...

She watched, silent and invisible. And seethed with fury. At Bella, at herself, at the unfairness of the world. But she wouldn't let any of that out. Not now. Right now, she needed to make sure he would be okay. That he wasn't going to do something stupid.

And just under the anger? An incredible sadness that something might have just been ruined beyond fixing because of something completely out of her control.

Amazing how similar they were, huh?

He just stayed like that for a good long while before getting up and somewhat randomly moving about the place, sorting a few things, cleaning, something and anything to distract himself but not really finding much to relax him no matter what he tried.
So after a while he returned to the couch and turned on the tv, just aimlessly switching through the channels without really paying attention to what was on because what he wanted the most was some peace and quiet which his mind seemed reluctant to give him.

In fact, after about an hour of the channel surfing the tv was turned off and CJ moved to lay down on the bed. But he didnt get undressed, he didn't move in under the covers. He lay down on his back, fully clothes, still with his boots on, still armed and tried at least tried to force some kind of relaxation on himself as he closed his eyes and moved an arm to rest over them.

She stood over him, letting the blood tears trail down her face, but not to the floor. She would leave no trace of her being here. She would not show that she had broken his trust again. But she so wished she could just take it all back.

Maybe he was just paranoid, maybe he sensed something, for a moment he moved the arm, throwing a brief look around as if half expecting to see something, or hear something maybe. But there wasn't anything to see, and nothing to hear, so with a groaned sigh he closed his eyes again, moving his hand to turn off the safety of his gun before resting his arm over his eyes again.

Sleep was out of the question, he was too wired for it. And while laying there, as ridgid as a log wasn't much as far as relaxation went, it beat anything else he could think of because he still had to be there to make it to work, still had things that needed to be done.
He just needed a break first.

Just for a while.

And... and he needed to find out what was in his system.

Watch him until she started to feel the dawn pulling at her. Assuming he didn't try to leave before the sun came up, she'd then start looking for a place to hide for the day. Strangely, she didn't want to be far from him right now. And not just to keep the masquerade.

He wasn't going to leave. Mostly, because he didn't trust himself at the moment. So the best thing to do was stay put.

If she wanted to hide there, well, there wasn't all that much a far as options went, the whole place (with the exception of his bathroom) was mostly one huge open place. There was a possibility, if she wasn't too picky about it, to find dayproof shelter behind what appeared to be a stack of oildrums and crates which had simply been shoved into an empty corner when he'd cleared up the place. From the looks of it, they'd simply been shoved and ignored since he'd moved in.

She wasn't picky. As carefully as she could, she stuck herself back ther and curled into as small a ball as possible. And she cried silently until death took her with the sun.

When the time came, he'd get up, get ready for work and head off. Business as usual because that's how it went. And because in all honesty? That's what he needed at the moment.

(Fade scene ? )

(Yeah )