All that is broken... (The night after the Cemetery) - The House that Sin Built

Teagan hadn't intruded on Luke's alone time.  The look of revulsion on his face as he fled the night before had kept her away.  Feelings and Teagan didn't go hand and hand.  Not even close, as a matter of fact over the years she distanced herself with them more and more.  Slower to anger, or upset, that that meant that when she was angry, she felt it deeply because it was rarer, so when she was upset or hurt...

Her feet brought her out of the ocean, and she trudged slowly to the house.  To trudge: the slow, weary, depressing yet determined walk of a woman who has nothing left in life except the impulse to simply soldier on.  One hundred years... the fact she had said I love you, the look on his face when she let him in even just a litttle.  Those were the only reasons she didn't just leave, when he asked her why she loved him, she had told him, because he accepted her darkness.  Last night was the first time he hadn't.

of course she didn't understand. Didn't see that the look was for him not for her. For the things trying to please her drove him to do, to her. To make her feel shame at his touch. And to feel pride and satisfaction at that shame. He fled himself more then he fled her. When he woke with out her he reached out by reflex and pulled her to him.

She had been up to the house, but for some reason she found her trudge had turned into a jog and then a flat out run. Her key that he had given her earlier in the month to open the door, and she ran up the stairs to their bedroom. Though currently she thought of it more as his bedroom. Pushing open the door, she paused in the doorway, looking in at where he was in the room.

His eyes snapped to her as soon as she entered. Searching her face. He looked less certain then he normally did. Off balance.

"You.....I'm.....It wasn't you, stay it wasn't you"

every thing about his said that he took it for granted that she had likely been leaving him again when he woke.

Her emotions had been written all over her face. His actions had hurt her in a way he had never hurt her before. As his words spilled out she blinked at him confused. "I wasn't leaving Luke." she said softly. "I made you a promise." her eyes found his, her eyes that said he had made her a promise of sorts to and that last night he broke it. "I just didn't want to see you look at me again like that last night..." her voice was soft, thin and strained like a rubber band pulled to the point of breaking.

She remained where she was in the door way, unsure what to do. Before she had a shield against him, she could hide behind her wall of indifference, but now? Now she stood before him broken and bleeding and bare, there was no were to hide from his gaze.

"I wanted to make a point, to make you feel dirty, used. Not play acting but really. Once I had, I-I saw the shame, and I felt satisfied and then. I don't know, " His eyes flashed a moment and the uncertainty was goine repoaced with anger for just an instant. "why do I have to despise you? I can beat you, bleed you, hunt you. But why must I despise you?" he pausd a long moment. "I don't want to want to shame you teagan, but in that moment I did and I was I don't know what I was and you were so happy with it. I had to be away from both of us." he paused and offered a wry smile "Imagine my annoyance of my self for having followed me any way"

"Do you remember why I said I loved you?" she asked softly her gaze fell away from his as if this was hard for her to talk about. Her face said it needed to be said. Before it had been a game and with three small words, and one night of open honesty it became real. Real fucking sucked, real was scary, no real was terrifying. Real meant that if they said or did the wrong thing that it could be over. And right now as she listened to him, he had hurt her pride, he thought she was going to leave. She had promised him she wouldn't. Now he didn't like part of who she was, now he couldn't accept part of what she was. That hurt almost as much as the look he gave her or the fact he ran away from her... no them he had run away from them last night.

"Your not the only one who gets to be a little fucked up Teagan.I freaked myself out last night. A shadow of some one else was in the drivers seat. That guy is dead. He died in france a long time ago. I'm sorry I hurt you love of mine but it was one fucking moment. If that's all it takes to bring us here then we are fucked." He was angry. It didn't make since maybe but he was. Fuck her. He had to all but piss on the woman he loved to get her off. She could deal with the occasional short circuit.

"If your not leaving me then will you stop hovering in the god damn doorway and come inside?" He didn't know how to fix this any of this and it pissed him off. Why did every thing in his life have to be so fucked up.

She didn't say anything, she trembled fear, pain, anger all swirled with in her. Stepping into the room, she turned and closed the door behind her. He should be wary, she was so quiet, she was never quiet, she would yell, rampage, attack, but quiet? Quiet wasn't her style at all. Her shoulders slumped, and she walked into the room.

"Don't question my word again Luke." she said softly.

The slumped shoulders made him angrier. Made him want to wrap his arms around her and promise to be who ever she wanted him to be to make her hppy. Fucking blood. That made him angrier to. He loved her, he needed her, she was his addiction and the last thing of meaning left. Did she really feel the same down pass the blood. He was to fucked up to ever fully convince himself.

"dont put that down under your word. I don't accept the oath then damnit. Your not going to stay with me because you said you would. I'm trying to apologize damn it." he really sucked ayt saying sorry when he meant it.

Her eyes become burning pits of rage, but underneath that rage was sorrow, "I fled a combat with who I thought was a sworn enemy that slew my father to keep... that.. oath." She takes another step closer to him, her hands opening and closing at her sides clenching into fists and relaxing ever so slowly. Her eyes look haunted, like this was what she was expecting all along the other shoe was dropping.


"I made that oath, because I...." she whispered fighting with herself, "Because I love you. I said it.. and I meant it. You can't just renounce my oath, it questions my honor." she looked up at him met his eyes. Her eyes close and he can see her mumbling to herself for a moment, words in a language that he doesn't know.




((Spending WP to ignore blood bond))

"I want you with me because you chose to be." Not that she should want to be something in his eyes shined with madness. The madness that just wanted the eternity of suffering to end. Something that dared her to summon her claws and end it for him.

"Stay alive for me not your fucking honor. I give a damn about honor." He was up from the bed and moving toward her. He closed till he was feet away. His arms were at his side and his guard was completely relaxed. He couldn't believe she loved him. Nothing loved him. Swing his eyes demaned, prove you really don't love me and put an end to this.

Did she understand his emotions? No fucking way, they were a big ball of tangled crazy that she couldn't begin to unravel.


"You kill me inside sometimes..." she whispered as she stepped forward and touched his face gently her eyes looking into his. "The only reason you have the ability to hurt me as badly as you do is because I love you. Don't you understand that?" her head tipped to the side and she watched his eyes ever so intently. "You hurt me worse last night then ever...then you.. then you ever have before. But I was coming tonight. I was coming to talk to you. Because I refuse to throw this away... we broke the rules Luke. We weren't supposed to fall in love, it started off as something else remember? But somewhere... somehow it became so much more then that." her hand falls to his shoulder, her other hand raising to mirror the first leaving both her hands on his shoulders. "My honoring you, and my promise is my love, and you question it, you question my love for you. Stop it." she said softly before leaning in and kissing him.

He still wanted to be mad but he couldnt think of anything to yell about any more. That seemed unfair. If there was nothing else to be mad about then all that was left was how he had hurt her. He hadnt meant to. He hadnt. He kissed her back gently as the fight leaked out of him. There was so little he could feel true remorse for any more. He was so far gone so deep into sin, but this, this he could feel regret for. His hands rested on her waist, a light touch neither pulling her closer or pushing her away.

"You don't like who you are with me... does that mean you don't want me?" she asked her voice a choked whisper. Her eyes clenched closed, her hands inadvertently digging into his shoulders. Her lips a fraction of an inch from his.

"Your the only thing I am sure I want." It was a simple reply to a deeper question. He didnt like himself with or with out her but he want prepared to open that door. Not at all.

"I want things, that you don't..." she said softly. Offering him an escape.

"That I dont?" He asked needing her to take the thought to its completion.

"Things you dont want. I need them." She says her eyes look haunted, an old memory perhaps clawing away inside her.

"Things that up until last night you didnt have a problem with."

she shivered witbh unexpressed emotions. "Luke I can't handle you looking at me like that." She almost whimpered at the pain.

"It was the shame. I saw it in your eyes. the shame at what I had done. It.... Yesterday was a bad day. Lots of it was a bad day." He thought and then looked a little passed her and seemed to make a decision.

"This is going to sound silly but I think all of it started with me getting fed up with the falseness of it all out of no where." He paused and thought but he had already opened the door and she was unlikely to stop wondering what he was going to say if didnt just say it so he pressed on.

"Its just, just so stupid. so fake. I know glasses house and all and there are few things as full of shit as me but really. Its complete play acting. you want to be a free prisoner, you want to be forced to do something you love doing.

Your not like the rest of them, I like meaning it when I touch you, but roughing you up like we are fighting when we arent and playing like your mine when its pain of death to imagine you are a pet, is stupid.

I dont mind a little brawl before bed and I might actually weep if the knife was off the table completely but the rest. Those things cant happen and be real in an equal partnership. They cant and an act grows old after a while.

If that shame is truly what you want from me I will give it to you. I love you Teagan I would give you anything. But it will have to be real. I dominate you or I dont. in that on particular vein no more pretending."

He wasnt angry but he was forceful. When they had only hate it didnt matter. He could play her little game and lie to her like she was any other blushing maid he might play with. But she was right this was real now and while he wanted to make her happy he didnt know how. He couldnt give her her freedom and always know when she wanted to be a used captive and when she didnt. So this was the best he could come up with. All in. Give your self to me and be mine. owned and kept and mine. Or dont and get your fix with strangers playing at being masters and dominators. It was a chancy move so soon after hurting her, but he would never hurt her like that again if they could hammer down exactly where it was every one stood.

Teagan moved and took a seat on the edge of the bed, her face a wash of emotion as she had one foot in the past and one foot in the now. "Even when it was real I didnt submit. It is just who I am. The shame is at the pleasure I feel in having all control taken away. The thrill of the unknown." Her head slowly shakes from side to side, "You are as broken as I am. You lie and twist me in circles, hurt me because you can. And I accept that as who you are, I think I know the closest thing to the real you that you show the world." She hesitated her eyes met his, "Why is it it that you can't accept me?"

"then how am I differnet form the others. It's the same question you demand of me. Any one can play make believe and slap you around. I don't not accept you. I just have no desire to just be another head in the herd. It makes me angry and makes me want to hurt you and then I'm angry I hurt you.

so you don't want me to pet your hair and talk to you like your one of them fine. But fair is fair."

"I didn't want you to talk to me like that because what we have is real. Versus the illusion of what you offer them. Words like that before, when this was more a game tried to make this something it wasn't....but now it is and I dont know where I stand next to them any more. Do u you whisper sweet nothings and tell them you love them too. I dont want to be your fool..." She was sad uncertain, still hurt. And as she spoke a light came on behind her eyes, "Luke are you jealous of how I play with others?" Her gaze locked with his demanding the truth.

"I am no more willing to be your fool then you are willing to be mine. I don't care who is inside you I just expect there to be some difference from when your with me then when your with them. Don't you expect the same?"

"The difference is in every thing you consider normal. I dont lay entwined with them, whispering how I love them. That is for only you." She rested her head against his chest.